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How We Became Quiverfull-Minded (QF)
This is the story of how Doug and I came to be Quiverfull-Minded (QF). (There's also a bit of submission and letting God lead through the husband mixed in!) What does QF mean? Well, it basically means that you have decided to trust God to determine the number of children you have and their spacing. That you do absolutely nothing to prevent pregnancy. The point is not to get as many children (blessings) as possible, but to accept whatever God gives you, be it 0 or 20. We are not against adoption by any means, as God can use that to fill our quiver as well. We do not believe that God created sex only for procreation (creating children). Song of Solomon makes this QUITE clear! We do believe, however, that the gift of sex and the possibility of procreation should NOT be separated, as birth control attempts to do. The term "quiverfull" comes from Psalm 127:3-5: Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, While this is the verse that is most often quoted when talking about this subject, it is just one of many verses in Scripture that refers to children as blessings and something to be desired and cherished. The Bible also has MANY references to God's role in conception (usually referred to as "opening" or "closing" of the womb). If you'd like to investigate the topic further, I've included some references at the bottom to get you started. Doug and I investigated birth control (bc) after we became engaged. After some research, I found that all the chemical means ("the Pill", Norplant, Depo-Provera, etc.) can be abortifacient by making it difficult for a baby to implant in the uterus. They do not always prevent ovulation. Prevention of implantation is the only way the IUD (Intra-Uterine Device) even works, so that was out of picture, too. Neither of us had any interest in using the barrier methods, so I was very excited when I learned about Natural Family Planning (NFP). We liked the idea of it since we reasoned God could always mess up my cycles if He wanted us to get pregnant. In our thinking, it was the best of both worlds -- we could "let" God be sovereign while still maintaining some control over when we had children. I started tracking my cycles and realized that it was very easy for me to tell when I was fertile. So we decided to go with that. We were married August 26, 2000, and planned on waiting at least a couple of years before trying to conceive. I wanted 4 children, and Doug wanted 2 but was willing to compromise at 3. And they needed to be spaced "right". He was quite firm about not wanting more than 2 or 3. (I am the 5th of 6 children, he is the youngest of 2. I loved being part of a big family so I was naturally a little more open to having one myself.) Almost eleven months later, on August 4, 2001, I discovered that I was 5 weeks pregnant. Our reaction to the pregnancy was mixed. We were both excited yet scared out of our minds. How could we handle this financially? We both thought it best if I quit my job after the baby came, but that scared us, especially Doug. He was also nervous about our children growing up to be little "rugrats". A few days later, on August 7, I miscarried the baby. I actually got to hold the sac after it came out, which, in a way, made it much harder. We had a little service for the baby and buried her between our butterfly bushes. I felt so lonely because there wasn't a little life growing inside me anymore. I had learned about the QF mindset on the MOMSBoard at Titus2.com, but I hadn't really thought much about it (in terms of what I believed) before then. But the miscarriage brought QF to the front of my mind. I started reading testimonies online about how people had become QF and why. I studied the Bible and prayed about it, and pretty soon I found myself very convicted that this was God's will for married couples. But what would Doug say? I knew he wouldn't go along with this! Right around that time, I got the August Mom's Corner from the Maxwells (owners of Titus2.com), titled "She Prayed - Part 1". It talked about submitting to our husbands and praying that God would reveal His will through them (instead of wives trying to nag or talk their husbands into agreement). This, I know, was totally in God's timing. I decided that if somebody was going to convince Doug about this, it HAD to be God. This was not an issue I wanted him to just agree with me about, I wanted him to agree with God! And I seriously doubted that I, myself, could convince him anyway. So I started praying that God would help me keep my mouth shut and let God do the talking. Up to that point, I hadn't really said anything about QF except that it was something a lot of the ladies on the MOMSBoard did. (Doug thought it was pretty "out there".) Over the course of the next couple of weeks, little opportunities popped up to explain QF thinking. For example, we had ordered something from the Maxwells that had a picture of their family on the back. Doug saw that and said, "Whoa, how many kids do they have???" I told him their story (they have 8 children) and how they let God plan their family. For our first anniversary on August 26, 2001, we went to Grandfather Mountain. My parents live nearby so we stayed with them. On the drive to my parents' house from Raleigh, we talked a little about QF and he asked me where in the Bible it talks about this. So I read him Psalm 127. And he asked me to read it again to him. I told him how the Bible has many verses about God opening and closing wombs and that children are blessings. Doug asked what I thought about it, and I told him that this is what I believed now. Over the weekend, we kinda talked off and on about QF things. Finally, on the drive back to Raleigh, I took a nap in the car. When I woke up, Doug said he had been praying and that he knew that this was what we were supposed to do because if God said they were blessings, then they are blessings! I was floored! I confessed to him that I had been praying that God would do this very thing. I was so happy! So we immediately stopped using NFP. We suspect that I had another early miscarriage in October, but never had a positive pregnancy test to confirm. Finally, on March 4, we discovered that I was pregnant! As of this writing, I am almost 25 weeks along. Doug is more convinced than ever of QF thinking, as am I. We are ready to accept however many (or few) children God wants to give us. It has become very plain to us that when people use bc, they are trying to break or "trick" a part of their bodies that is working just as God designed and declared very good! Sure, God could "overrule" our efforts at control because He is sovereign, but aren't Christians supposed to trust God and seek His will, not just do our own thing and assume He'll jump in when He wants? Praise God that He could use something as painful as a miscarriage to help us see His will! We now call that miscarried baby "Faith" because God used her to greatly increase ours. Carla Schneider
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